Very few people want to stay alone all their lives. Therefore, in most of us, the longing for another person grows from time to time.

In earlier times, people were introduced to each other and meetings were arranged. A period of self-determination followed and people met at sports, parties or the like. Today, most trust the first impression of dating apps or the algorithms of dating agencies.

What remains: the first contact is inevitably superficial and it is up to each individual to open up, show and deepen the encounter. What has increased is the number of possible contacts and the speed of jumping from one to the next. The dream partner often feels just a mouse click or a wiping gesture away.

The world of possibilities seems limitless.

But if you have a choice, you’re spoiled for choice; and why it often still doesn’t work out, or why it’s always the wrong person, has nothing to do with the number of possible contacts, but is due to our imprinting. It decides how and what we look at in the world.

If we are used to disappointment, we will attract disappointment – not because we want to, but because we expect the disappointment. If we are used to always being the fifth wheel, then we will probably also mostly have partners with whom we assume the role of second wife or second husband. And if we have difficulty getting involved and taking a risk, we will mostly stand between several people and be torn.

This sounds simple and understandable and yet most struggle with such hindering patterns for many years. It is often enough to widen one’s horizons and look beyond one’s previous prey – and new opportunities can open up.

Since the entire dating process is an unconscious process, no matter what they set out to do, most still often fall back into an old pattern and create new disappointments for themselves. They confirm to themselves that once again it was the wrong person, that they weren’t really recognized and something about them is apparently unlovable.

Relationship coaching in one or more individual sessions can support to make the internalized patterns of action transparent and to develop new ones. This includes working on self-confidence and fears that have stood in the way of a fulfilling relationship.