Think of your partnership as mobile.
You are the characters in it – whether you like it or not. Every action and movement, every thought of one affects the other. You can fight back, you can insist on your freedom and independence, yet you remain a figure hanging and floundering in the mobile.
Your partner feels the same way.
But you are not only moving in the mobile with your closest environment: your entire past hangs there: Your father, your mother, your affairs – even the ones you only dreamed about. Your work colleagues, your values, your future plans, your sexual likes and dislikes and your very personal fears and anxieties hang there, even if you do not yet know their causes and backgrounds, because your entire unconscious is also part of this mobile.
The idea of being stuck in dependencies is scary – especially in times of crisis. However, since you cannot prevent entanglements in relationships, it is important that you understand your personal mobile and thus your part in the dynamics of the relationship.
Because only what you understand, you can change and what cannot be changed, you can name and accept or leave behind.
The personal questions that arise are:
Why am I stuck in this exact place in the mobile and what role is associated with it?
How do I maintain the momentum of the whole mobile (my relationships)?
What profit do I derive from addictions that are unhealthy for me?
Where am I narrow, dogmatic and not in fullness?
What would be my path, independent of the partner?
Did I want this life, children, career?
What does it give me hope and comfort for?
What are my deepest desires – what are the relationship taboos.
Relationship coaching is awareness work that shows you concretely where you and your partner stand and where you can go together, but also alone.
The prerequisite for this is a decision to grow. That means no longer looking for the “blame” in the other person, but growing beyond a victim attitude.
In the process, you can learn why most of your partnerships have been similar and how you make it so that the same thing comes out over and over again, even though you do everything differently.
Once you recognize this hamster wheel that you’ve probably been running on your whole life, change happens on its own. They will then, out of themselves, do exactly the right thing.
It sounds simple, yet it takes all courage – courage to tell your truth.